David Stern Sucks


Altogether the NBA is worth untold billions, but if they do not receive a subsidy from local taxpayers—most of whom can’t afford to take their family to a game anyway—David Stern will take your team hostage at the hands of his good friends, default on the contract his league has to play in your city and leave town with a little piece of your heart (see SuperSonics, Seattle).

At the risk of alienating members of the $8 Frozen Lemonade Salespeople Union, and the Union of T-shirt Cannon Triggermen, it seems perverse that anyone but the NBA and team owners should build these stadiums. Stern and his rich brethren can keep the money from the Jonas Brothers (a future post) concerts all to themselves.

I can’t imagine how people who actually vote or pay taxes feel about this guy. I’m just awaiting the tear-jerking commercial where the bearded guy from Save the Children pleads: For just hundreds of millions of your tax dollars every ten to twelve years, you can ensure that little David and his just-barely-not-as-fortunate-as-is-possible-in-this-world friends never have to travel to a meeting in a Town Car again, but will ride, like any man worth his salt, in a chauffeured Rolls Royce.


About P. Funkenstein

B. Wixwater is the Founder, Writer, Editor and Champion of the Portland Bugle.
This entry was posted in Sports. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to David Stern Sucks

  1. Pingback: Kobe Sucks « Volatile Lyle

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