The Olympics Suck


If anything in this world gives you cancer, it’s got to be SunnyD, right? If you had to describe the flavor in one word, wouldn’t you choose ‘carcinogenic?’ So it goes without saying that I’ve been drinking it by the barrel with an eye on the 2014 Winter Games in Russia. However, I have recently learned that aside from having a tragic story for tear-jerking television segments, you also have to be good at a sport. So, I have spent entirely too much time drinking SunnyD (and, by the way, no cancer so far, just Diabetes), and not nearly enough time curling. It’s going to be tricky but I have to find a balance between the two.

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About P. Funkenstein

B. Wixwater is the Founder, Writer, Editor and Champion of the Portland Bugle.
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