Short Men Suck

Everyone in the world has to use the same feet and the same inches for measure (or the metric equivalents I can’t wrap my American mind around), but short men get their own.  So somehow, every time I meet a short man he can tell me that, just like me, he is five-foot-nine, and that I need to trim my nose hairs.

Look, I realize that modern gas prices have hit these gentlemen and their compensatory vehicles hard, but could you imagine being a contractor for one of these guys? It’s bad enough we all have to deal with short men’s shoulder chips, surly demeanors, constant fight picking (I’m not looking at anything, little guy) and lollipop guilds; some compliance to standard measurements doesn’t seem like too much to ask for.


About P. Funkenstein

B. Wixwater is the Founder, Writer, Editor and Champion of the Portland Bugle.
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3 Responses to Short Men Suck

  1. Pingback: The Miami Heat Suck | Volatile Lyle

  2. Fuck you says:

    Everything you say about short men is bullshit based on a prejudiced interpretaion, your
    feelings of superiority and your desire to ridicule others to make yourself feel good.
    You should go out and shoot your big mouth off to a short guy.
    He proably won’t hit you because you are big and strong and can beat him up.
    That would make you feel like a real man.

  3. Jasmine says:

    Sorry, he’s hilariously right, short men do suck. Tall all the fucking way ^_^ 5’9”’is perfect height.

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