Piracy Sucks

Sometimes I find that the 80 episodes of ‘Friends’ available to me syndicated on local channels and basic cable each week isn’t nearly adequate. So recently I resorted to piracy; not the decreasingly-entertaining-each-chapter kind that Johnny Depp gave us, but rather, the digital ‘how dare you take food off Nicolas Cage’s table, he’ll have to resort to making crappy movies—see you in court’ kind.  Besides, ‘The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line’ is well worth the hundreds of thousands of dollars that the RIAA/MPAA will seek for it (what’s your iPod worth?) if I am busted.

I wouldn’t have bothered taking that risk, however, had I known that the commercials had been edited out. See it isn’t just the laughing and laughing and laughing (and laughing) at the priceless back-and-forth between Phoebe and Joey that I want to experience, but also the commercials, which allow me to gauge myself as a human being. Without commercials, how can I know if the products I purchase make me a good, worthy, intelligent, conscientious, green, attractive, sexually desirable person, and not the pathetic opposite?

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About P. Funkenstein

B. Wixwater is the Founder, Writer, Editor and Champion of the Portland Bugle.
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