Category Archives: Lyle

My Date Last Night Sucked

So I thought I’d sort of let my hand linger on her thigh just above the knee to see how she would respond and get a gauge on things. “What the hell are you doing?” is how she responded. “Watch … Continue reading

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Charles Dickens Sucks

So I’ve finished three chapters of this novel I’m writing only to find out that some guy named Charles Dickens already wrote a book called ‘Nicholas Nickleby.’ Okay, so maybe it wasn’t three chapters and only eight or ten pages, … Continue reading

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Tattoo Artists Suck

Yes. I am absolutely, 100 percent sure that this is the tattoo I want. Don’t tell me you can’t in good conscience do this. Obviously that’s not what you say to every sophomore college girl that comes in here and … Continue reading

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Judge Reinhold Sucks

Look. There are two kinds of people in this world; People that absolutely love Judge Reinhold, and people that are complete and hopeless idiots. As secretary treasurer of the local chapter of the JR Fan Club, I think it is … Continue reading

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My Ex-Girlfriend Sucks

Look lady, there is a very easy way to get me to stop sleeping in my car—okay, fine: my mother’s car, let’s not make this about semantics—across the street from your apartment: TAKE ME BACK. I know you are sick of … Continue reading

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Elevator Operators Suck

Look ‘sir,’ I don’t know which floor. How about the one where you get off so I can urinate in this elevator as I have been planning since I started drinking a six dollar bottle of gin at 9:30 this … Continue reading

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